Self reflection #1 – How to be the best version of yourself

As I sit here, another year older I cannot help but wonder about life, all that I’ve accomplished so far and all that I am yet to discover about myself. As humans naturally we are always chasing tomorrow and sometimes even dwelling on the past. I found my self constantly trying to play this perfect character when in reality being my authentic self was more than enough.  After a year of working on self discovery and my mindset I wanted to reflect on my journey and the things I’ve learnt along the way. I hope in doing this it might inspire you or even maybe allow you to get to know me a little better.

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A little bit about me

I’ve always been a dreamer. I’ve always loved the idea of being able to create an imaginary world where anything is possible. At times it helped me disconnect from all the chaos surrounding me and allowed me to live freely – for that moment anyway. I was always a high achieving student, very committed and often a little competitive. It wasn’t until my teen years where the insecurities began to settle in. These years were probably my most difficult years and I guess most people will be able to resonate. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. In fact I hated who I was at the time and often found myself dreaming about how different my life could be if I lived elsewhere or looked and spoke differently. Your teen years are the years that shape you as you grow into your adult self and having a strong support system around you is vital. I can’t say I had that growing up as I grew up in a single parent household with my father as my main caregiver. I guess he did his best with what he had and what he knew at the time but seeing what my friends had with their families made me angry and often made me resentful. 

It is only now as an adult I can truly appreciate how far I’ve come in life. It is only now I can honestly give myself a pat on the back for giving my younger self the life she always dreamed of having. Did I have this planned out? Of course not. Did the insecurities go away. No. But what did happen was that I continued to dream no matter how hard life got. I picked myself up. Wiped away those tears and built this version of myself year by year. And guess what, this is only the start.

Building confidence

I hate to break it to you but the only way to build confidence in this life is to silence the noise around you and start doing whatever YOU want to do. When you’re always in this constant cycle of seeking validation from others – whether that’s constantly asking for guidance or reassurance or for someone to tell you exactly what to do, you’re not going to build any confidence. This is something that’s taken me a while to grasp but I feel I now have a better understanding of it and being older and wiser certainly helps. As soon as I figured out who I was and who I am, my likes and dislikes, what I’m willing to tolerate and what I’m not particularly interested in – it happened naturally. I stopped comparing myself to others and started to look inwards. Of course I have my bad days where I fall off track, but I don’t allow it to consume me. When you know yourself you become more confident in the decisions you make and you’ll probably find that you start saying no a whole lot more.

Invest in yourself

I’m probably the biggest advocate for therapy because it’s the one thing I believe has truly changed my life for the better. It’s allowed me to address past traumas, understand why I am the way I am and also just having someone to talk to when you need it most isn’t always a bad thing. Being someone who is quite self aware, therapy allowed me to unlock my true self and helped me become the best version of myself. If you’re looking for a therapist, I highly recommend using Better Help (Get 1 free week if you sign up using this link). Better Help is a mental health platform that provides direct online counselling and therapy services. With over 30,000 licenced therapists, Better Help can match you with a therapist that suits your needs from the comfort of your own home.

Now I know therapy might not be accessible to everyone but it’s also not the only thing you can do to improve yourself. I’ve forever been a lover of self development books and when I’m in need of that extra motivation here are the books I reach for.

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I’ve also started to take Pilates classes more regularly than I used to. I’ve found that not only do I feel fitter it’s also helping me towards getting my dream body. It’s such a great a way for me to switch off and disconnect from everything and the one hour in the day where I don’t look at my phone and I love it! Moving your body even just for 30 minutes a day has significant benefits to your health such as relieving stress, releasing endorphins and strengthening your body. To find local workout classes, wellness services and beauty locations near you download the Mindbody app. If you don’t have any classes near you here is a link to my favourite free at home workouts.

Following through with what you set yourself out to do 

Getting out of your own way is probably one of the hardest obstacles to face when pursuing a new career, goal or even a relationship. At times I often found myself second guessing everything which led me to spiral and block any new opportunities coming my way. What I did to tackle this was I consistently created to do lists which allowed me to work through and prioritise the things that were most important. I’d also set an intention for the day where I’d usually write down what I set out to do & how it made me feel knowing I accomplished it. Each tick felt somewhat like a reward and a dopamine kick. After years of using this method I’ve now found myself being organised in most aspects of my life which has allowed me to excel in my career and my relationships. When I say I’m going to do something I do it. If it’s on my to do list I know its important and it gets done. It’s taught me that being disciplined can be very rewarding.

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Self love 

Lastly, self love. Probably the most important thing you can learn. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I know you’ve probably heard this a million times but in order for you to love yourself you need to understand who you are and what your needs are. If you can’t give yourself the love you deserve will you ever be able to accept it from others? Remember, how you speak to yourself is also very important – self harm isn’t only physical. I struggled so much with self love over the years because I never thought I was worthy. I’d downplay all my achievements, pick myself apart and isolate from others. This made my life hell and made forming relationships very difficult. It’s something I’m still working on and what I’ve found helpful is making gratitude lists and journaling. Writing down everything I’m grateful for daily and what my highlights of the day are have really helped shift my focus from negative to positive. I’ve realised it’s the little things that accumulate & can really help you raise your vibrations thus allowing you to love and appreciate yourself more.

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