Self reflection #2 – How to value yourself & know your self worth

What is self worth? This is a question I found myself struggling to answer throughout my entire life. Each time the topic of self worth would arise I’d sit back and try to over analyse what it meant. It wasn’t until one Friday morning after a successful therapy session I figured out that it essentially means that you know yourself and know that you are good enough, or in other words you value yourself. Self worth is often confused with self esteem and while they both are quite similar, self worth focuses on you as a whole person while self esteem focuses more on confidence and emotions.

There are so many factors that attribute to a persons self worth. This can be anything from career success, relationship fulfilment and even having emotional stability. A self assured person who is confident in decision making and is unapologetically authentic is a person who knows their self worth. So, how do you influence or build your self worth? Allow me to break this down for you.

As someone who has recently been on a journey of self discovery I’ve realised that I’ve been taking myself way too seriously. I would find myself obsessing over everything which would then lead me to sit and overthink. I would often care a little too much about others opinions and how they would perceive me. Not only did this knock my confidence it also made me question everything about myself. I found myself acting in a different manner and playing a character that couldn’t be anything further from who I really was. If this sounds a little familiar then you’ll too understand how debilitating it can be.

After being exposed to social media for the majority of my teen years and now working in the industry for the past 4 years, I’ve come to realise that nobody actually cares about you In the way you think they do. Brutal? I know. We put so much time and effort into worrying about what others think about us that we often lose our identity by being someone we’re not. Bottom line is. Everyone has their own things going on and we need to remind ourselves not to take everything so personally. If someone says something that is hurtful to you, usually it’s them projecting onto you. We can either choose to live a life where other people dictate our feelings, or we can be the ones in control. We can only truly start living and valuing ourselves once we learn that not everyone is perfect, we all make mistakes and that we are all learning.

The first step in the right direction is to start taking ownership over yourself and stop playing the victim. You need to own up to your problems and stop waiting for others to fix them. People often think that they’re taking ownership of their lives, and whilst this might be true in certain areas of their lives such as work or relationships, it’s often neglected in the rest. I read this quote online that said “what you’re not changing, you’re choosing” and it really made me think. For example, If you’ve got something in life you’re complaining about and you’re not doing anything to change it – this could be your job, your body, your surroundings etc. then you’re choosing to be in that situation. If you don’t like the situation you’re in then the only thing that isn’t changing is you. Think about it. If you made small steps everyday to change, such as waking up that extra hour earlier to work out you would get that dream body you wanted. If you hate your job but you started to upskill, practice interview questions and search for new jobs regularly, you would probably be in a better position of getting the role. Instead of blaming others or waiting for someone else to come and fix your problems, start taking action yourself. This small shift in mindset can lead you one step closer to getting over yourself and knowing your self worth.

Another major issue with having low self worth is that we often compare ourselves to others. You’ll have heard this a million times before but I’m going to repeat it for the people in the back. Comparison is the thief of joy. Our biggest problem in society is that we spend more time looking at what others have instead of focusing on our own goals or our own vision. It’s so easy to get fixated on what we don’t have as opposed to appreciating the things we do have. This not only lowers our self worth it can also lead to other issues such as depression and being stuck in this never ending loop of anxiety. If we started to focus on ourselves and our achievements life would look so differently. Sit with your achievements and really take them in instead of always looking at what’s next. There isn’t anything wrong with wanting more but you need to celebrate the wins, even the small ones because they’re once what you prayed for. You must enjoy the journey. You don’t want to waste your entire life worrying about others. You get one life. Make it about you.

The small changes I’ve made in my life to help with how I value myself

Keeping a gratitude journal

Whenever I need to be reminded about my blessings in life I always reach for my journal. It allows me to sit and think about all the wonderful things I have to be grateful for. There is so much that we take for granted and I’ve noticed that since I’ve taken time to reflect on my life, the things I do, the people around me – there’s always something to be grateful for everyday. This has really helped shift my focus from negative to positive and I’ve realised that it’s the little things that accumulate & can really help you raise your vibrations therefore allowing you to love and value yourself more.

Checking in with my therapist regularly

Having someone to talk to you on your bad days is great but having someone to check in with on a regular basis is life changing. Being able to be open and honest to someone who is professionally trained and has no relation to you can make dealing with your issues a lot easier. I’ve found that there’s no judgement, no fear and I can be myself when I’m speaking to my therapist. It’s given me a new perspective on myself and allowed me better understanding of why I am the way I am. Therapy is a great way to discover yourself and has helped me realise that I am worthy of love, success and so much more.

Making yearly vision boards

I’ve been making vision boards for as long as I can remember. It was something I learnt to do a young age in order to gather my thoughts. I have always been more of a visual person and being able to see things, my goals, on a board really inspired and motivated me. Not only is this a fun way to set your goals it’s also a way for you to think about what it is you really want in your life. Each year after creating my vision boards I take pictures of them and when I look back at them, seeing all the things I have achieved and all the things that have come my way is mind blowing. It’s been a great way to cancel out all the noise surrounding me and allows me to really focus on who I am and what direction I want to head in.

Taking time out for myself and exercising

I’ve mentioned this quite a lot recently but ever since I started taking my physical health more seriously I’ve noticed a drastic change in my mental health. I find myself more energised and quite upbeat. I look forward to my Pilates classes and my dog walks. It allows me to switch off and ground myself for a moment. It’s also changed the way I feel about my body. I’m much more confident and I feel stronger. We have one body and I cannot express how important it is for us to look after it. Even if you decide to go for a short walk everyday it can help to relieve stress and release endorphins.

Celebrating my wins

I don’t think we celebrate ourselves enough. We should be celebrated everyday, for all our daily efforts and determination, for our courage and resilience, I mean the list is endless. Allowing myself to experience my wins and have something to remember them by has really helped me to focus more on the good. It’s a great way to pause and reflect on what I have achieved rather than disregarding it and immediately looking at what’s next. I’ve always been someone who’s focused too much on the future and what I haven’t done yet or achieved which is why I used to struggle so much with anxiety and self destruction. It’s so easy to get caught up in what we think we should have or be doing instead of reflecting on what we already have achieved. Having a little memorabilia, doesn’t have to be anything huge can be a physical reminder of your success and achievements. So celebrate by taking yourself out to dinner or buying that piece of jewellery. Remember to allow yourself moments of reflection and you’ll be amazed at how amazing you are.

Surrounding myself with people that value me

Cutting people out of your life can sometimes sound harsh but talking from personal experience, it’s changed my life for the good. It wasn’t until I removed certain people from my life that I realised the negative noise started to slowly fade and I was able to be my authentic self. People often have a misconception about removing people from your life but not everyone is supposed to be in your life forever. You don’t necessarily have to fall out or have an argument to cut someone out of your life. If you don’t feel good around certain people or notice that you feel drained after spending time with these people then usually that’s a sign that they’re no good for you. Surround yourself with people that uplift and inspire you because it’ll make you shine from within and make you realise that there’s nothing wrong with being who you are and that you are enough.

Taking pride in my appearance

Your appearance matters. I’m not saying you should always have a full face of makeup and a fresh blow dry but what I am saying is that you should definitely, most always put in effort with the way you look. I’ve noticed that when I look a certain way people will treat me differently. When I take pride in my appearance I feel so much more confident. It’s a no brainer. The way you look impacts the way you feel. If this is a new thing for you start off with having some non negotiables. For example some of my daily non negotiables are – showers and self grooming, hair done, skincare done and sometimes a little makeup with my nails always manicured. I also love wearing my signature fragrances as I like to smell good. I also have other things which I do more so as a way to maintain myself and those are regular lash lifts, facials, eyebrow waxing, haircuts and aesthetic treatments. It works for me and makes a huge difference in the way I carry and value myself.

I hope this post helped you & I want you to know that YOU are worthy and YOU are amazing.